having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
