Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
