You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
