i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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