i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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