In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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