Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My vagina just recognized that song.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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