Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
