Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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