I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
should my penis look like a turkey
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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