If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
