i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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