I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize