If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
