You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
