If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
