you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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