I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
