first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
