sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
