there was a trapeze. enough said
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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