I'm eating all of the evidence.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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