Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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