My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
