i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
