it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
