Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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