turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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