i think my tv is drunk
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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