what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
