Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
