bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
