She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
