I wish my penis had an off switch
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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