dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
