i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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