I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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