it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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