No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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