i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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