Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
