i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
