Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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