tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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