I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
