I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Randomize
