That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
