I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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