I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
