Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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